some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
