When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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