You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
