i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I am available for nakedness
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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