i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
