I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
