i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
