How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
one might say we're banned from that church
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
