I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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