wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
