i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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