And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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