Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
