this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
