while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
