just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
