I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
