Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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