I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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