omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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