I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
