so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
