The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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