So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
