i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
