I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
