idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
