I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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