Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
