You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
