hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
foreskin is a definite game changer
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
