Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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