Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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