Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
