my soul wont recognize me after tonight
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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