theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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