I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
