So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
