True but thats because hes a fetus.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
