Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
