I'm drive I can fine osifer
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
