Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
