I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
