nut hugger
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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