I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
