I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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