just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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