Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
