But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
ugly people sure do ruin things
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
