I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
