the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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