I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
